According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
