I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
my poor anus
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
