haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
