You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
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