my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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