I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
