I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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