She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
