So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
