Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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