When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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