Your dad touched me again.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
