have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
