Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
