what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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