I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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