Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
This baby is an asshole
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
