im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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