This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
