I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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