Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
