I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
