when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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