you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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