Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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