My hand turned me down
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
