you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
