OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
my poor anus
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
