he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
