At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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