I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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