it's not cheating when I paid for it
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
