oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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