jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
