umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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