I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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