i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
