I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
