Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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