My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
