I faked an abortion last night.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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