Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
My balls are so social today.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
