thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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