your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
