sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
