Christians are straight up FREAKS
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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