I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
