matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
