dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
