fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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